The Uninvited Wedding Guest

Almost all couples will have to deal with a wedding guest who wasn’t on their guest list

“Unfortunately, many of you will have to deal with some type of unnecessary obstacle, including the uninvited wedding guest — and you’ll find they come in many different forms.”

Why is it that many weddings are not without any sort of drama?

Parents think they can call the shots. Relatives get upset when they find out kids aren’t invited. Friends ask if you’re inviting their frenemy.

As if planning a wedding isn’t stressful enough, the drama can be enough to ruin what’s supposed to be a joyous moment in your life.

Unfortunately, many of you will have to deal with some type of unnecessary obstacle, including the uninvited wedding guest — and you’ll find they come in many different forms.

The Surprise Plus One.

The Surprise Plus One can show up on your wedding day; invited by a wedding guest who thinks it’s OK to bring a date without asking you first. Friends and relatives have been known to tow someone along to a wedding despite the fact that their invitation clearly did not mention they were allowed a date. Rude.

The Long Lost Relative.

You haven’t seen this relative in years, but suddenly your parents are inviting them to the party. Maybe this Long Lost Relative is calling to congratulate you, which is just a passive aggressive way of asking if they can come to your nuptials. They’re family, after all, and feel they should have a place at the table.

The Family Isn’t Always Family.

Let’s face it. Just because they’re family, doesn’t mean you have to like them. Right? This wedding guest is a family member who you aren’t very fond of — maybe they’re just not nice or you’ve always had a bumpy relationship. But because they’re family, you feel obligated to invite them. You’d rather extend the invitation to someone else, but you’d stir up family controversy if she/he was the only one left off the list. Unfortunately, this situation is one of the most difficult to resolve unless you’re not able to invite other relatives because of capacity or budget issues. Then you can disguise the real reason behind that.

The Inner, Outer Circle.

This person is part of your close group of friends, but they’re the last person you call when you need to lean on someone. They’re part of the inner circle, but they’re your outer circle. Sure, you may hang out with them, but only because they’re part of the gang. If you don’t invite him/her to your wedding it’ll make future gatherings awkward, and it could cause tension in the friend group. You may feel forced to invite them even if you don’t feel in your heart they belong there.

“They’re part of the inner circle, but they’re your outer circle. Sure, you may hang out with them, but only because they’re part of the gang. If you don’t invite him/her to your wedding, then it’ll make future gatherings awkward…”

The Acquaintance.

This person may be your co-worker who you have great conversations with in the lunchroom, but he/she is not someone you’d make plans with once you clock out. The Acquaintance could also be a family friend you’ve known for years, but somebody you only see at Uncle Bob’s birthday bash. Both are people you get along with, but not a person you’d have a relationship with outside of these circumstances. However, because you’re inviting another co-worker or family friend, you’d feel bad leaving them off the list.

The “No,” to a “Yes.”

This wedding guest is someone who RSVPs “no” initially, but then later changes it to a “yes.” Even more annoying, they tell you they’re able to attend after you’re done sweating over the seating arrangement, and your venue has the final head count. Palm to face.

The Nanny.

Your wedding guest says they can make it, but suddenly they drop a bomb: they can only be at your wedding if they can bring their kid(s) and/or nanny. Say what? They’re your best friend or cousin — you feel cornered, speechless and maybe also on the verge of tears.

The New Girlfriend.

Your wedding guest suddenly has broken up with his girlfriend who, not to mention, you’ve gotten to know well. Now he’s dating someone new and wants to invite her to the wedding. You gave him the option to bring a date, but now it’s his new girlfriend who will be attending. She’s even told you herself that she’s excited for your wedding day. It wouldn’t be a big problem, however, you feel like you’re betraying the ex-girlfriend because she’s your friend. Or maybe your guest list is made up of only close friends and family, and she obviously doesn’t fit the bill.

The Wedding Crasher.

Oh, yes, this actually does happen. That uninvited guest who shows up without notice. You may not even know them. What’s worse, you may not notice him/her until after your professional wedding pictures come back from the photographer. Or they may obnoxiously make an entrance at your wedding, and you have to kick them out. What a nightmare.

The uninvited wedding guest is not an easy problem to resolve. We feel for you. The best advice in handling relatives or friends who are guilt tripping you into inviting guests (or themselves) is to have a candid conversation with them. Even if they might pushback or get upset.

Explain that you just don’t have enough room on the guest list or even your bank account to accommodate more people. Most should understand. If not, are they really your friend then?

You can also mention that you’d love to invite them and so many other people, but as it is — you’ve already started making cuts to your guest list. Whatever explanation you give, try not to respond emotionally. Save that energy for your wedding.

Your wedding day is a celebration for you and your fiancé(e) — no one else. Don’t let someone strip the joy from your Big Day or add on more stress to wedding planning.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.