Wedding Advice: How to Cope With Anxiety About Being the Center of Attention

Whether you’re the couple, maid-of-honor or father of the bride — there are ways to deal with stage fright at a wedding

I’ve been a journalist for nearly 20 years. To say that I never get nervous before getting in front of a camera to talk to thousands of people would be a complete lie. There are still times when my palms get sweaty and my mind temporarily goes blank before I’m expected to open my mouth and say something paramount.

So if you’re feeling nervous about giving a speech or even just walking down the aisle — don’t fret. Those emotions are natural.

Most importantly, they can serve a purpose. Having stage fright may kick you into high gear to prepare for the moment you’ll have to stand in front of people.

Here are scenarios some people get anxious about when it comes to being in the spotlight at weddings, and what to do if you find yourself in the same situation.

Wedding party or parent speech.

Sure, they’re your family and/or friends — but that doesn't mean you can’t be nervous about giving a speech to a crowd, especially if you’re pressured to write it and speak from the heart or make people laugh. Our best advice? Don’t wait until the last minute to write your speech. Practice reciting it in front of someone who will give you honest feedback. Edit your speech; keeping in mind that you should never go more than 3 to 4 minutes long. Then: practice, practice, practice.

Once you’re up there, make sure you don’t sound like you’re reading your speech. It’s OK to have a script with you, but try to sound as natural and genuine as possible.

“Don’t wait until the last minute to write your speech. Practice reciting it in front of someone who will give you honest feedback. Then: practice, practice, practice. It’s OK to have a script with you, but try to sound as natural and genuine as possible.”

Walking down the aisle.

If you’ve never liked to the be the center-of-attention then your wedding day will be no different. In fact, your nerves may be worse since this day is all about you. Thinking about just walking down the aisle may give you so much anxiety that you break out in hives. If you have social anxiety, it’s important to talk to doctor or therapist about coping mechanisms.

There are other options to help you deal with social anxiety, including reducing the size of your wedding or having a more intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception. If those alternatives are not possible, just remember that although your wedding day is about you — it’s also about your future spouse. A wedding is not only about a celebration of your union, but an opportunity for your loved ones to bless your next chapter in life. So in essence, the day is about you and the most important people in your life who support your relationship. Sometimes flipping the script in your mind may help calm your nerves.

Before the Big Day, take advantage of rehearsals to get over the anxiety you feel over walking down the aisle or standing in front of your guests. Take deep breaths and focus on your fiancé(e) if looking around makes you nervous.

“Thank you” speech or wedding vows.

If public speaking is just not your strength, and you’re expected to give a “thank you” speech or you’ve chosen to read aloud your custom vows — our advice for speeches is the same as above. Don’t wait until the last minute to write your speech or vows.

In fact, writing custom vows can take weeks or months. We suggest writing several drafts before you read them out loud to someone who will give you honest feedback. Then practice and keep practicing until you’re comfortable with the words. Once you accomplish that, practice again — with emotion and sincerity.

The last thing you want to do is make promises to your partner or say “thank you” to your guests and sound robotic.

Being prepared to speak in front of a crowd may not erase your nerves entirely, but it will help reduce the overwhelming feelings of anxiety.

If you still don’t feel confident writing your speech or vows, Vows & Forever can help you ghostwrite them as well as provide professional help with speech coaching. There are also Wedding Vow Writing templates that are available. If all else fails, lead with your heart and the rest will follow!

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.