So Your Fiancé Isn’t Helping with Wedding Planning

Is your future spouse uninterested in planning your nuptials? You’re not alone

You’re deep into wedding planning — researching venues and shopping for your dress. You’ve ordered the save-the-dates and created a Pinterest board of decor ideas.

But when you ask your soon-to-be spouse for any input he seems uninterested. If you share any exciting news about booking vendors, your fiancé can barely squeeze out a smile.

You’re not alone. Brides complain all the time that their significant other just doesn't want to take part in wedding planning.

Before you take it personal, we’ll share some words of advice about how to handle the situation (and your significant other).

Women tend to be more detail-oriented.

According to HuffPost Contributor Rebecca Shambaugh, studies show that “women generally have more interest in details and pay more attention to them than men do.”

It’s why many brides start their wedding planning by putting together a list of things-to-do.

Don’t be surprised if your fiancé is aloof when you show him the checklist. The thought of weeks, months or years of planning for one day may overwhelm him — or — he may think you’ve got this and don’t need help.

So how should you handle this?

Delegate one or more tasks for your fiancé to tackle. Be clear about when they need to be done.

We suggest working together on big decisions (like choosing your venue and officiant) and maybe not so much the small details. That way he’s involved in the most important aspects of your wedding day.

We also have likely dreamed about this day for awhile.

As little girls, we may have dressed up as princesses or daydreamed about our Prince Charming. While you may not have had your wedding planned out entirely before you got engaged — you probably had some idea of what your wedding day would look like. From the flowers to your dress and maybe even your hair.

It’s another reason why many brides jump right into wedding planning. It’s also why you might think your future husband is slow rolling into decision making or doesn’t appear to care.

Wha't’s likely really going on? Your fiancé probably knows you have a vision for your wedding day, and is leaving it up to you to execute the plan. Remember to delegate tasks, and try not to take it too personal if your fiancé isn’t excited about the centerpieces you’ve chosen.

Men have more confidence in you to make these decisions.

Peonies or dahlias? Black tie or cocktail attire? Ask yourself if he’s ever cared about these details when he attends other weddings?

Better yet — does he decorate your house or leave it to you?

If you’re looking for his opinion and he tells you he “doesn’t care” or “you decide” — it may be that he’s just not confident in making those decisions.

Most likely it doesn’t matter to him what your wedding day looks like; all he cares about is that you’re there to meet him at the end of the aisle.

”Have fun planning, delegate tasks, make big decisions with your soon-to-be-spouse and remember, a wedding is a celebration of love and a couple’s union.”

Tell him how you feel.

We’re not saying you should take on all the wedding planning. Be open and communicate your feelings.

Do you want help on certain items on your checklist? Do you want to share in the joy of planning one of the most important days of your lives? Are you OK taking on more of the wedding planning as long as he shows enthusiasm your Big Day is coming together?

Most importantly, you want your partner to express his appreciation for all the hard work you’re putting into planning your wedding. Let him know a little support goes a long way.

Be grateful you’re making most of the decisions.

Look at it this way. You may be better off making the final decisions on whether to have a fondant or buttercream cake. The last thing you need is to butt heads with your fiancé about wedding details or have him bulldoze your ideas.

Have fun planning, delegate tasks, make big decisions with your soon-to-be-spouse and remember, a wedding is a celebration of love and union.

If you’re knee deep in the details (down to how you want the silverware placed), maybe reevaluate your goals. Are you planning a party of the century or your wedding day? Is your fiancé stressed out because you’re spending way over your budget or laser focused on the tiniest details?

Now to a more serious reason about what could be happening.

If your gut is telling you that your fiancé may be experiencing cold feet, we suggest that you don’t ignore that feeling.

Honesty is key. Sit down with your significant other and try to get to the bottom of why he really isn’t interested in wedding planning.

Go over the above reasons with him first to give him the benefit of the doubt. If your gut is still telling you he isn’t being truthful — then you’ll have to start making plans on what to do in your relationship rather than your wedding

Source: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/different-brains-differen_b_9480952

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.