Your High-Maintenance Wedding Guest

Tips and advice on how to deal with challenging wedding guests

“This wedding guest asks you where you’ve seated them at the ceremony or the reception. They want to know who’s next to them or what row they’ll be in. Will they be close to the sweetheart table or the farthest away?”

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You’ve had it. You’re kicking and screaming. Maybe pulling out your hair having to deal with friends and family members who just won’t let you plan your wedding in peace.

We’re talking about those high-maintenance wedding guests who leave you picking up your jaw from off the floor because their requests or questions are so absurd or selfish. They’re more worried about themselves on your wedding day than they are about you and your future spouse.

Let’s run through the scenarios and how to deal with this type of wedding guest.

The Seating Arranger.

The name says it all. This wedding guest asks you where you’ve seated them at the ceremony or the reception. They want to know if they can sit in the first row of at the ceremony or who’s next to them at a your reception. Will they be close to the sweetheart table or the farthest away? They’re too concerned about sitting next to Aunt Margaret, and talk your ear off about how it’ll be an awful night for them. The best way to handle the Seating Arranger is to tell them you hear them, and you’ll do the best that you can to accommodate their request —but the seating arrangement is the last priority on your list because there are other pressing issues. The goal is to end the conversation, because you don’t need the added stress. If you can fulfill their request, then great. If you can’t, hopefully you’ll be on your honeymoon and unplugged in case they want to call to complain after the wedding.

The Restricted Dieter.

You’ve chosen to do a plated meal, but the choices you’re offering your guests isn’t to the Restricted Dieter’s liking. We’re not talking about food allergies here. That we understand, and would never want a guest’s throat closing up on our wedding day. We’re talking about the guest who is suddenly on a diet that only allows them to pretty much drink only water. If the Restricted Dieter pulls you aside during dinner service on your Big Day to harp, direct them to the caterer or server and tell them you’re busy. If he or she comes to you before the wedding, explain to them the menu has been set. Hopefully, they come to your wedding with a full stomach.

The Spotlight Stealer.

We all know someone like this, but cross our fingers they don’t try to steal the spotlight on one of the most important days of our lives. The Spotlight Stealer may wear white on our wedding day (gasp!), dress like one of the bridesmaids or create drama to get all eyes on them. If this happens, have your Maid of Honor, Best Man or their closest relative/friend pull them aside to talk to them. Try not to handle it yourself. If that doesn’t resolve the problem, then try to divert your attention to more positive and important moments at your wedding. Sometimes ignoring someone who wants the spotlight is the best route to take.

“The Bossy One is demanding and disrespectful to the servers or wait staff. He or she is running them into the ground or complaining things just aren’t to their satisfaction.”

The Complainer.

This wedding guest complains just about everything. From the food, venue or even the other guests. You can see the scowl on their face or they’re just openly spouting negative comments throughout the day. If you have the capacity to deal with this guest, tell them politely their attitude is impacting you and you need their support more than ever. If you don’t have the energy to deal with him/her, have someone else do it. Preferably someone who they know well. Pray they get the message and shape up or leave the party early. If the Complainer is grumbling before the wedding, ignore them or again, tell them you need their support by keeping their comments to themselves. Sometimes people don’t even know when they’re being a pest.

The Stag Guest.

Typically, if a wedding guest isn’t in a serious relationship — couples won’t allow them a plus one to cut back on costs and make room for other guests they want to invite. The Stag Guest is someone who knows they won’t be able to bring a date, but asks anyway. We get it — it’s sometimes depressing or uncomfortable to go to a wedding alone. But when you’re the couple getting married, you feel cornered when the Stag Guest asks to bring a plus one. Tell them the truth: you’d rather invite a friend or relative you know then have a stranger or acquaintance take a spot. Plus, if you allow them to bring someone then you’ll have to let all your other stag guests do the same. It just wouldn't be fair, right? Hopefully, they see your point and let it go.

The Bossy One.

How embarrassing. The Bossy One is demanding and disrespectful to the servers or wait staff. He or she is running them into the ground or complaining things just aren’t to their satisfaction. The Bossy One could also be demanding toward other guests or maybe even vendors — telling them what to do or giving their two cents when no one asked. If you have a wedding planner, have that person — or someone else — speak to the Bossy One’s targets and explain it will be handled. Then have a relative or friend tell the Bossy One their intentions may be good, but they should try and relax and enjoy the wedding. Sometimes killing them with kindness is all that is needed. You can gather other guests to help keep the Bossy One busy so he or she forgets they’re on a warpath.

The bottom line is to try to lean on your support system when dealing with high-maintenance guests so you don’t have to. The last thing you want on your wedding day is to end the celebration in tears. Sometimes biting your tongue and letting go of what you can’t control is the route to take too. It’s your day, but there are people who will act out in ways we’ll never understand. Looking the other way and not paying them any attention can sometimes stop their behavior.

If your high-maintenance guest is throwing demands at you before the wedding, nip it in the bud before it bleeds into your Big Day. Good luck, we’re rooting for you.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.