Choosing Who (and Who Not) to Invite to Your Wedding

“Set your boundaries with friends and family. Most importantly, be patient with your future spouse as you choose who is and isn’t invited, and remember — you can’t please everyone.”

Your wedding guest list may be one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. Who should you invite? How can you extend an invite to one friend, but not to another without hurting their feelings? Are you obligated to invite all relatives?

It’s not an easy task, and it can get even more complicated when parents insert their opinions or your future spouse doesn’t agree with you.

Here’s a guide on who is typically invited to your wedding, but remember — this isn’t a rule book. Family dynamics, friendships, relationships and your significant other’s perspective — all play parts in your final decisions.

Family.

If you or your future spouse can afford to invite everyone you know — more power to you! But not all of us have that luxury, which leaves many of us forced to make difficult cuts to our guest list. We suggest working from the inner circle first, starting with your immediate family, and making your way toward the most distant relatives in your blood line. Parents, siblings and grandparents first. Then aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews. Next would be godparents, second aunts and uncles, then family friends. Of course — we’re closer to some family members than others no matter where they are in the family tree. Choose those you’re closest to before inviting other family members.

Friends.

Just like you did with your relatives, start with the inner circle first. Best friends, childhood friends and friends who are important to you now. Then co-workers, those you just met a few years ago and maybe even neighbors. The family and friends you choose to invite should be those who are supportive of you and your future spouse. They’re the people you believe will bless you both on your wedding day.

Co-workers.

Just because you work with them and have great water cooler conversations, doesn’t mean you have to invite your co-workers. If you have relationships with them outside of work, however, and you’ve formed solid friendships then extend an invite. They're more than just co-workers, they’ve become friends. If you have co-workers you don’t hang out with after work, but they genuinely care about you and know just as much about you as your friends — then why not add them to your guest list if you have room.

“The family and friends you choose to invite should be those who are supportive of you and your future spouse. They’re the people you believe will bless you both on your wedding day.”

The B-List.

These are your wider circle of family and friends: relatives you haven’t spoken to in years, friends you haven’t seen or talked to in awhile, neighbors, your parent’s friends and office colleagues. If you have the space, and you want them there — then send the invite!

Kids or No Kids List.

Many couples choose not to have children present at their nuptials to cut down on costs or prevent any potential distractions on their Big Day. If you decide you don’t want kids at your wedding, make sure to tell your guests as soon as possible; preferably on your wedding web site or save-the-date so they have enough time to hire a babysitter. If a guest has several children, and it would be unaffordable to invite the whole family — you’ll have to decide if you want to keep them off the list entirely or maybe invite just the parents. It’s a tough decision, but try and have an honest conversation with your guests.

PRO TIP: If you’re wondering how to tell your guests that no kids will be allowed at your wedding, you can print this on your save-the-date: “We’d love to give our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, so are we are kindly requesting no children on our wedding day.

Guest lists can typically take months to finalize, and they’re always changing. Feelings will likely get hurt in the process or there may be some sort of miscommunication.

Try to get save-the-dates out about year to six months before your wedding to give your guests plenty of a heads up. Set your boundaries with friends and family. Most importantly, be patient with your future spouse as you choose who is and isn’t invited, and remember — you can’t please everyone. But try and be honest with guests.

Most people will understand if you tell them you can’t go over your budget or venue capacity. Explain to guests you that you’d love to invite everyone, but are limited. At the end of the day, if they’re supportive of you and your marriage — they’ll be happy for you whether they get to witness your wedding or not.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.