Wedding Etiquette Advice: I Wasn’t Invited to the Wedding

The best way to handle and communicate your hurt feelings when you get snubbed

Your cousin, childhood friend or college roommate just got engaged, and you can’t wait to celebrate with them on their wedding day!

The thing is, you’ve checked your mail box and e-mail for the last several weeks (or even months), and still haven’t received a save-the-date or formal invitation. You know their wedding date is coming up, because your other friends or relatives are talking about attending.

Not getting an invitation can leave you hurt, upset, confused and left out. It’s not an easy situation to be in, and it’s likely not an easy situation for the soon-to-be-married couple either.

Here’s our advice on how to handle this sticky situation.

Try not to take it personal.

Wedding planning isn’t easy, and choosing who’s on your guest list can be an emotionally daunting task.

Your relative or friend may be on a tight budget or have capacity limits set by their venue — and has likely had to make difficult cuts on their guest list.

Try to put yourself in their shoes before you react. This may have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with finances and/or wedding planning obstacles.

“As difficult as it is to be snubbed, try to keep your feelings to yourself instead of gossiping or spreading negativity to other friends and family members.”

Talk to them (or not).

This is a tricky one. We suggest being honest about your feelings with your relative/friend while emphasizing that you’re happy for them. Hopefully, you’ll get a reasonable explanation and you can both move on from this bump in the road.
We don’t suggest, however, asking them to explain why you weren’t invited. Maybe they’re too embarrassed to talk about their wedding budget and/or money issues?

Not to mention. As tough as this sounds, they aren’t obligated to invite you no matter who you are. This is their day, after all. Confronting them could add on another layer of stress to wedding planning or possibly, create a divide between you two.

PRO TIP: If you do decide to talk it out, avoid e-mail or text so there’s no room for miscommunication or misinterpretation of tone and words. Do it in-person or on the phone.

Leave everyone else out of it.

As difficult as it is to be snubbed, try to avoid gossiping or spreading negativity to other friends and family members. You wouldn’t want your relative/friend to feel as if you’re asking their wedding guests to take sides.

Should you still send a gift?

Do you want to send a gift to make them feel guilty or are you sending one out of love? If you want to show your family member or friend that you truly are happy for them no matter whether you’re at their wedding day — then sure, send a wedding gift.

We suggest sending it just before or after their wedding day. Giving a gift too far in advance may make it seem like you’re sending a message that they should’ve invited you.

Pick your battles.

If you don’t get invited, try to find it in you to let it go. There could be a million logical reasons why you didn’t get an invitation. Ask yourself, are you really a close friend? Or are you just hurt you’ll be dealing with FOMO (fear of missing out)?

If you truly believe you should have been invited, and don’t understand why you weren’t — try not to overreact. Give them the benefit of the doubt before you think of the worst case scenario. The way you respond could make or break your relationship, or maybe — you’ll find out later, their decision showed your relationship was already broken in the first place.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.