Dealing with grief and loss on your wedding day is possible by honoring the memory of those who’ve passed away

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Getting married is one of the happiest days of a couple’s life. However, it can also be a painful reminder of those who are no longer with us.

I lost my son and my grandmother, who was like a mother to me, in the year before my wedding. Both devastating and crippling losses.

My husband lost his aunt to COVID-19 one month before our wedding.

Incorporating those who’ve passed away in your ceremony and reception is a beautiful way to honor their memory. I found it can help take away the sharpness of the pain, and also keep the grief from becoming overwhelming.

For myself, it was as if I was acknowledging their spiritual presence at our nuptials.

Here’s what we did to pay tribute to my son, grandmothers and my husband’s aunt on our wedding day.

Moment of silence & a prayer.

In the beginning of our ceremony, before anything else — we had a brief moment of silence. Our officiant read our loved ones names out loud. It was a beautiful way to include our guests in honoring them as well.

Save them a seat.

Leave a seat empty for your deceased loved ones. We reserved four chairs in the front row. If you’re religious, maybe you do truly believe they’re seated in those chairs, blessing your nuptials with the rest of your guests. I loved knowing we had carved a special space in our ceremony just for them. I bought chair covers with their names, and asked my wedding planner to place their framed pictures on each seat. I’ve seen some couples use “reserved in memory” signs to hang on chairs as well. To make my son’s seat extra special, we also placed a candle next to his picture.

Hold a piece of them wherever you go.

I bought two tiny picture frames to wrap around my bouquet, which held a picture of my son and another of my grandmother. It gave me peace and comfort as I walked down the aisle. It was also a meaningful keepsake after the wedding. Other ideas include wearing your late relative or friend’s favorite piece of jewelry, watch or tie for grooms. If he/she had a special handkerchief, you can choose to hold that around your bouquet too or keep it hidden somewhere on you.

Make them a part of your reception.

If all four of our family members were alive, they wouldn’t just be a part of the ceremony — they would also be there for the reception. I had my wedding planner move their picture frames to the reception area and post them where our guests could see them. My son got a seat with us at our head table. We put a place card with his name on his plate like everyone else, and moved his picture frame there as well. We also burned a candle for him — next to his picture — all night.

There are so many other options to honor your late loved ones. I’ve seen brides release butterflies or doves, toast in their honor, create a collage of pictures for display and play their relative’s favorite song. Weaving their memory into your wedding day can help keep the emotions of your loss from creeping up on you and becoming overpowering.

Listen to your heart. Do what you think will serve you that day.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination.

Photos: Tim Nusog