How to deal with a parent who pressures you to invite distant relatives or worse, their friends

When you got engaged and envisioned what your wedding day would look like — we’re sure arguing with your mother about the guest list wasn’t a part of that journey.

Welcome to wedding planning. It can be one of the stressful and emotional events to plan, especially when outsiders are demanding or inconsiderate.

If you have a parent who is guilt tripping you into inviting a relative or even their own friends, we’ve got a few suggestions on how to handle the situation.

Be open to the idea

If your parents are pitching in to pay for the wedding — unfortunately, we agree that they should have a small say in who lands on your guest list. That includes allowing them to invite a few people of their choice, even if it’s a relative you haven’t seen in years or a friend of theirs you’ve only met once. Save a few chairs for them next to your parents. You never know — your mom and dad may have more of a blast celebrating with guests of their choosing.

Blame it on your budget (or venue’s capacity)

If you’re already over budget or you can’t squeeze any more people onto your guest list because of your venue’s capacity — be honest with your parents. Explain the situation. If it’s because of finances, tell them you’d love to invite more people, but then they’d have to fork up some more cash to pay for their friends’ meals.

If you’ve maxed out on the number of people you can invite, explain to your parents that you’re not even able to invite some of your own friends — and that if a spot opens up, you’d rather extend the invitation to someone on your b-list.

Play the numbers game

If your side of the guest list begins to outnumber your fiancé(e)’s attendees, then tell your parents that it would be unfair to add more people to your side.

If you allow them to invite their friends, tell them they’re only allowed a certain amount — and that they can choose who attends. It’s a compromise that sets boundaries, but also gives them control of who they want to extend their limited number of invites to.

Promise a trade

If one of your own wedding guests can’t make it, maybe allow your mom and dad to fill that seat with one of their picks. But warn them that you won’t know until the RSVPs come in just a few weeks before the wedding.

Unless your parent’s list is long and will break the bank, ask yourself if their request is worth the stress? Focus your attention on other wedding planning tasks that bring you joy instead. Plus, your parent’s friends may hand you a gift that will be worth giving them a seat at your wedding.

Written By Vows & Forever Founder and Veteran Journalist Maria Cid. V&F is a wedding vows & speech writing service that also specializes in speech coaching and wedding timeline coordination